I am in the starting point. Again. Enough of people, and those shady relationships with them. Enough. It makes me weak. I am so susceptible for people influence. Why they are so cruel to me, with their hands, with their smiles, with they sweet words, with their admiration to me. I have no defenses. Cruel fakers. Sleazy mental perverseness. That's their constitution.
I cannot cope with it. It remains me weak and crazy. They are coming so close too me, they are killing me, they intrude me. They are either too close or too far away. I think I should give up. give up on people. They are killing me. really. I am not exaggerating. They are dangerous with their desires, with their unclear intentions, I don't like them, I don't like them anymore. I am sick, I am weak and crazy-- because of them, because of me. I cannot detach myself, my brain from them. They posses me but they don't care. I am the toy. The sexy , dangerous, unusual, entertaining toy. That's what they have in me. And later i am suffering. I am dying. For them. Because of them. But it's over now. Nobody is allowed to come and take me. Nobody. I don't need their love anymore. I don't need this bliss of looking into their eyes. Holding their hands, getting their kisses full of affection. The glass broke behind the gate. I want to be free. I don't want to belong anymore. I don't care about knowing my name. It's finished.
As I said, I have no illusions,
But there is still one thing I am afraid of--- boredom.