The beginning is boring, but keep going , it won't be like that forever
First, what i want to say is: I don't understand why i can't upload images into my blog anymore. I don't like it this way. It doesn't work anymore--maybe now I'm doing something incorect, but I don't think so. Would be grateful if somebody tell me what's wrong.
I need the images and photos here. Desperately.
Second, it is kind of tiring to check if my spelling is always corect/ because I use to write fast and checking words in the dictionary distracts me/ so please don't send me this kind of nerdy comments like a got few months ago from some fellows-- "I wish you could spell" or "don't do drugs, go back to school"etc..
At least , it looks like they didn't figure it out that the saint English is not my first language, so maybe i should consider it as a compliment, that I'm being taken for an uneducated teenager rather than somebody who is foreign. Anyway, I didn't want to talk about this kind of bullshit--have no idea why I started it. I guess, the issue with images made me frustrated. I don't like just the pure writing, as I said, I miss putting images here--/ by the way--some of them dissapeared forever--I guess this pages from where I was taking it don't exist anymore/.
I don't know why am I so angry now--I guess I had abandoned this blog, because some people were displaying weird attitude toward me.
They obviously didn't get it that I'm just playing ..sometimes.
But--after few months everything is changed.The old world is gone. Gone forever.
But I guess I'm bored again. That's why I came back. Bored, bored , bored.
Just watched "Fucking Amal"--under idiotic/ who came out with this translation/ title version "Show me love". Liked it. But the "Show me love" title sucks.
Maybe I'm weird.
Maybe I'm brainless.
Yes, I changed, I stopped reading since I'm here. I'm getting empty and unsensitive. I live day after day. I have my strong plans but don't look too far.
Kind of like A. K is hitting on me-- in kind of molesting way I guess. Don't want to be rude-- but don't want to loose my part and privilages either. I think I said too much today and now i'm anxiuos. Almost nobody will like me if they can't get me into bed. Nobody would like me if I'm myself. Have to be more diplomatic, maybe.
I'm afraid of living.
What am I looking for. I don't even know if it is thing or person or a feeling.
You know, even cigarettes bore me last time. At least today.
Maybe, maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe I'm detached. Maybe I'm afraid to look intom people eyes. I have been looking into B eyes for a year and this is over now. I'm not sure if i want to have friends anymore. My friends are always weird, like me I guess. Only with them I can be myself and they always hurt me, they hurt me like nobody else. My closest, closest souls on the word. They just dissapear. And i'm erasing them and part of myself too.
That's why I'm dissapearing. That i'm getting more and more brainless and unsensitive. I miss something. I need something again what I will never have, what I shouldn't have.
I have never had friends i guess. This bunch of weirdos--my toxic, intensive friends-- that's what i always have and it never works. But i can't be really close to anybody who is just normal.
I kind of like S. But we'll never be close. I barelly now him. And it would be suspicious. I should not have any hopes. Whatever. I finished with "friends" after B, it was too much.
I should shut up.